Hello Beautiful World!

I haven't written in a VERY long time, so I thought I'd grace you with my presence and words of wisdom.

For the past hour I've been skimming through some ancient xanga posts dating from 2005-2008 C.E. Through extensive critical study and research, these pieces of literature have allowed me to see the growth in one such young female named Tesia Sheffield.

Here's a post about redemptive violence....

There is no such thing as redemptive violence. The word redemption, according to dictionary.com, means deliverance; rescue; atonement for guilt. It is any act that is freeing in nature. Violence, according to the same source, means an injurious, damaging, detrimental, or destructive act. These two words are completely opposite in meaning. It baffles me that acts of redemption and on the contrary, acts of retribution could be viewed on the same plane. Redemptive violence is an oxymoron. However, for years people have held the notion that if one person, nation, group, etc...holds that their situation promotes "justice," then using force is perfectly fine because, obviosly, the opposing side is "unjust." This mentality feeds the violent tendencies and gives a sense of, "If it's for the good of the people, then it must be divinely sanctioned."

The legal system doesn't help matters either. All of a sudden, it's ok for man to use violence because we're "doing God's work." Excuse me...does anyone know what God says about retribution in the first place? Throughout the entirely of scripture, God is constantly stating that He will be the one to seek revenge in the end. We are not supposed to go out an seek evil retribution against people because we are already taken care of by El Olam. Also, we can't be to quick to forget the words of Jesus, who is God incarnate, in Matthew 5:

"38"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'[g] 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Jesus then goes on to say that we should love our enemies. What the hell?!? Love people who wrong me? Love people who I despise? No way Jesus, I can't do that. They're not worthy of my time. They have deliberately committed and offense against me. What's that God? Oh, yeah! I totally forgot that I'm a sinner and I've deliberately disobeyed you more than I should've. Maybe I should be more like you and forgive people?!? YA THINK?

Sorry about that rant....

Violence is an issue of control, immaturity, and self. When someone wrongs us, we want to seek revenge against that person because of what they did to us. We want to humiliate them infront of others just so people can know that we're tough..or cool....or hip....or in..lol. It's as if we're saying, "I criticize you for not caring about me and my needs, so now I'm going to retaliate with the same action because that makes me a better person. It makes me feel like I'm worth something." I've commited the same offense to my offender. In the words of Thomas Merton, "The desire to kill is like the desire to attack another with a red hot iron. I have to pick up the incandescent metal and burn my own hand while burning the other person. Hate itself is the seed of death in my own heart while it seeks death of another. Love is the seed of life in my own heart while it seeks the good of another."

We need to seek good in and for other people, even if the entire world portrays them as evil. We are to be filled with compassion for God's people/creation because everyone can be changed by the healing touch of redemptive love. I know this whole post was very scatter-brained, but I feel so strongly about this issue that sometimes it all comes out at once.

It takes more discipline and self-control to be a woman of peace than it takes to be a woman of impulse. I want to be a woman of peace.

Love is real

Peace is real
God is real

Violence kills the image of God within us.

Peace
-Tesia Lee

In a world filled with drudgery and laziness this is the thing we need. We are the inequipped nation. The inequipped generation. We find that nothing is what it seems. Cradled by our own hands…father and mothers deny us affection but this is the thing we need.

Expansion for the sake of expansion.
Progress for progress sake.
Power for the sake of gaining fortune.
Progress for progress sake.
What happened to the things we need?

Killing all the lies and deception this is the thing we need. Pulling petals, innocence forgotten, imagining what it means to be free. Crawling on the asphalt, bloodying fingertips, you’re denying me things unseen.

Expansion for the sake of expansion.
Progress for progress sake.
Power for the sake of independence.
Progress for progress sake

You’re denying us the things we need.

Survival of the fittest….the weak will be made strong.
We will be made strong.
He will make us strong.
We rely on the strength unseen.

Expansion for the sake of expansion.
Progress for progress sake.
Fortune for the sake of independence.
Progress for progress sake
What happened to the things we need?

He is the remedy.

Over the past year I've ben abused by others. I have abused myself. I have let others abuse me. I have abused others.

All of this for the sake of "love."

That is not love.

Now it's time for the abuse to stop. There has not been a single time in my life when I've been free of this self-deteriorating state that I put myself in.

My heart is shattered. I don't want to love anyone ever again. I want to love God.

I want to finally worship him in the proper way....in spirit and in truth. I want to offer my body as a living sacrifice. I will not lift my mind, body, or spirit to another person.

Give me clean hands.
Give me a pure heart.
Let me not lift my soul to another.
Let my generation seek your face.

Let me seek your face.

God, please love me.
God, please want me.

The beauty of all of this is that I know that he does.

Peace
-Tesia Lee

“I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you’ve picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one—baby’s milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God’s ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.” Hebrews 5:11-14 (the message translation)

 

Eff yeah!!!

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

There are so many things that would've gone smoother for me if I hadn't been in such an deep emotional/physical relationship before the one I'm in now. I got to know my ex-boyfriend so personally, so intimately that when it didn't work out between the both of us, I had deprived him of his future relationship with his wife...and I've deprived my future husband of those same things.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

In the beginning of my new relationship, I found myself comparing my new boyfriend with my ex. This caused me so much heartache because even though I had no feelings for my ex anymore, he had imprinted on me so deeply. The relationship that my ex and I shared was so deep and honest. I've never been more honest with anyone in my life and in return, he'd been so forgiving and understanding because he truly loved me. I just didn't return the devotion or the love. This caused a perdicament in my new relationship because I had known what real love was...and I wasn't seeing it. That's because it wasn't there. Now, I don't want to say that my new boyfriend didn't love me, but in a sense, I know that he loves me more now because he knows me on a more emotional level. I don't deny that he loves me deeply now. I'm angry because I feel like I was spoiled by my ex. He loved me so selflessly that he would forgive and forget quickly. It's not his fault though, and I am still good friends with him, but I really wonder what love is....

Here's what I think love is.
Forgiveness.
Grace.

Now, I find myself completely over my ex boyfriend, but I regret everything that I've ever done with him. I should've listened when my youth pastor explained to me that I shouldn't have sex before marriage. I should've listened to my heart every time it pushed me to break up with him and kept it that way instead of running back to him every time loneliness kicked in. I should've listened, because now I've caused heartache within so many people. That's the nature of sin, I guess...

From looking at my definition of love, I guess the only conclusion that I can make is that God is the only person who can  truly love me completely.

Forgiveness.
Grace.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
-Song of Solomon 2:7